Seeing you intentionally doing things with someone to fuck with my emotions was not something I’d expect from you. Being petty and getting back at me for no reason isn’t something I’d thought you would ever do. While dancing with her, you kept on looking at me to make sure I was watching or something. You kept grabbing me and poking me to get my attention. Did you want it that bad? Even friends who didn’t know of you noticed how you were trying to grab my attention. Always in my peripherals while you were with her. We all noticed it. You have all the attention from her already. I don’t know what you want. I cried a lot that night because of you. Because of how petty you were.
How could you betray a friend like that? Take away something he has his eyes on just because you are lonely and wanted someone. Are you not a loyal enough person to appreciate your friend? How is someone going to ever trust you if you pull shit like that. Friendships are built from the exact things you violated, trust and loyalty. The worst part is, his personality is too good for your ass to betray. He still forgives you because he valurs friendship, unlike you. I’m surprised he can even put up with you.
I was supposed to play pool and darts with my friends after dinner today. I don’t know if it was because of my 2hr worth of sleep time last night or my tendency to have really bad food coma, but I was so fucking tired after dinner. I wanted to stay out but my eyes would not fucking open so I told my friend to just drive me home. The minute I got home I passed out. Keep in mind I passed out at like 9:30pm…I woke up at 4am… It was supposed to be a power nap. FUCK.
Its 4:30am and I miss you. But you’re not good for me.
I’ve always had very minor anxiety issues, never thought of it as anything too intense. However, I slept in today by accident and skipped two of my classes. I sometimes skip class on will, so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. I totally freaked out today and had a minor anxiety attack. I think the past few months has caused me to be so emotional and unstable that today was just the icing on the cake. It’s like blowing into a balloon. A few breaths in doesn’t seem that big of a deal until it builds up and blows.
I’m kidding about the occupied part…I’m still vacant and very much alone. But I have been so busy with school and work lately that I forget to update my blog. So here is a little update. My photography class is killing me with the workload. I can’t memorize jack shit from my psyc and physics course and my anxiety has been kicking in. Other than that, I have a new best friend hehehe. I love him 😭. He kinda just gets me yenno? We don’t have to talk all day long, but when we do it’s like we understand each other. It’s great to have someone like that, especially when you are struggling with life at the moment.
I would like to think of myself as a relatively understanding person, therefore people tend to open up to me a lot about their own problems. It doesn’t bug me that they do, and I never find it “annoying” or “frustrating.” If anything, I enjoy being that person people go to for help. I like comforting people, especially those I truly care about. It also allows me to feel like I play a role in this world. As lonely as I am, it makes me feel better knowing that people come to me for help.