For those who haven’t asked me for advice, I give them out as it is. No sugar coating, no sweet talking. I had a phone call with a friend earlier today and I listened to his feelings and confusion with his partner. As a friend, I don’t like seeing him feel so lost and upset. But saying shit like “things will work out” or “everything will be fine” just won’t help. My friends come to me for straight forward advice because I tell it as it is. They all know how I am, and if they don’t want that type of advice, they don’t come to me for it. Those who search for brutally honest reality asks me for it. I usually tell them what they already know but don’t want to admit. They want to hear it from someone else. I can usually tell what option they are already leaning towards; I just push them a little for confirmation. It’s too bad I can’t do the same for myself.
Being here in China for almost two months, I’m starting to seriously miss home. I miss my family and friends in Vancouver. Maybe it’s because I don’t have “friends” here in China, so I don’t get to enjoy the type of fun I get in Vancouver. I miss being reckless and partying (occasionally) with my ratchet ass friends. I miss my chill friends for those times where I would much rather be lazy and kinda weird. The ones where we would have fun just walking around malls and watching movies. I just miss their company.
I don’t share this often, but I can’t keep talking to myself about what’s going on with my taekwondo life. I can’t expose much but let’s just say I am stuck between two parties. Both sides I would not be happy with staying at. However, for the time being, I gotta stick with one side. That also means more responsibilities and more stress. I already have enough stress as it is, I can’t handle taking care of an entire taekwondo school because one person betrayed and left with a bunch of her students. I am left with no idea what the fuck I am gonna do. As a competitor, I ain’t gonna improve much there. I can’t stay here much longer.
Yes, I know it’s a dating app, and no, I ain’t really lookin’ for anyone. Sometimes I re-download this app for the fucks of it. I’ve never had a normal conversation with any of the “applicators” because they all seem to just want one thing (let me leave that to your imagination). And frankly, I ain’t down to be a hoe right at this moment. There is, however, one guy who I have talked to and have had a fairly nice conversation with. Whether or not it is genuine, I don’t know; but it’s nice to not have “you got nice tits, let’s fuck” as a conversation starter. To me, he seems pretty genuine. I started talking to this guy many months back, but I deleted the app after seeing someone. During the times I was unattached, I would re-download this app to just have fun (no, not that kind of fun). I have only swiped right for probably 3 guys, so yeah, I ain’t swipin’ for just anyone. But I always find myself leaving them on read and I don’t really know why. Imagine how I am in real life if I swipe right for you but don’t message back. For ya’ll who are judging me right now, remember, I am only 19 years old. I need a little fun.
I’m the type of person who would much rather be in pain while doing what I love than take it easy but not feel satisfied. I don’t like the feeling of not giving my best when I should. In my opinion, regret for chickening out is much worse than feeling a bit of discomfort and quitting right after. I understand I should stop if the pain level exceeds my limit, but sometimes the adrenaline gets to you; you don’t feel pain until after. Even if I do, I tend to push myself a bit further than I am capable of. It’s like the saying where “I would rather die with passion, than live with none,” or something like that. Anyways, I’m back in Zhong Shan, China now. 🤘🏻
Finally flying back to China tomorrow. I didn’t know how tiring a vacation could be until this trip. We did a lot of hiking today, which was fun and all but the heat man…I die a little everytime I get out of the car. It’s not only the heat, but the air pressure is like extremely low or something. I find it harder the breathe. Out of all the cities in Taiwan, Taipei has got to be the stuffiest. The humidity makes it hard to enjoy a lot of the beautiful and historical landmarks. Overall, Taiwan has been a blast (of heat), and I will cherish the memories I’ve had here.