My mom has always told me to find someone who loves me more than I love them. According to her that is how I avoid getting hurt. Whether or not that is true, I think it’ll be hard to find someone like that. When I love something or someone, I love hard. Therefore, I usually end up loving more. I wonder if there’s someone out there who’s willing to challenge that.
Emotions suck. Catching feelings suck. Relationships suck. Honestly, there are so many negative attachments to emotions that I constantly wonder if it’s worth. I always ask myself “what if” in the most negative perspective when it comes to me catching feelings for someone. Like, what if I get fucked over. Or, what if I get too attached and get fucked over. Basically all ending in getting fucked over. But sometimes, I can’t help it. I end up falling for the wrong guys and it hurts almost all of the time.
I have naturally thick hair. In fact, I was born with wavy messy hair but puberty somehow straightened then out. Very weird. I sometimes forget how much hair I have because I recently chopped it off. Although my hair is shorter now, the volume is still there. Thick as fuck just how I like it ( lol jkjk ). But seriously, it takes like 1.5hrs just to blow driw my hair completely. Sometimes I just give up and sleep in towel dried hair. I know, asian myths tell us that sleeping in wet hair will get you sick, but it hasn’t happened to me yet.
Hi my name is Holly. You’re pretty cool. Wow, you actually kinda care about me. I think I like you…yup, thats my life. Maybe because there were people who fucked me up in the past and our relationships felt very one sided that I become so easily attached to anyone who comes along showing just a grain of care. It’s dangerous because sometimes they actually don’t and I restart the same phase again. I honestly can’t help how I am and how I feel. Real talk, I sometimes…no, most of the time, don’t feel like people like me for me. I have insecurities with friends because I feel that half of my friends don’t really appreciate my existence. However, I would do anything for them. Even the people I love now, I have trouble feeling their side of the relationship. Of course, I got real friends who care but that’s only like 3-4 people. So in a way, I search for love and care from others. I’m the type of person who cares a lot, or so I’ve been told. I get hurt if I feel like I’m not a good friend to someone. But because I care so much, people take me for granted. It fucking sucks.
When I meet someone for the first time, I try not to let other people’s judgement affect how I think of that person. I like to have my own opinion because each person has their own experience. Perspectives are always different and sometimes hearing the other side of the story helps. Now that I have gotten close to this “bad” person, I may or may not lose another friend because he doesn’t like my new friend.
Guess I’m not a very consistent person, as you can see from my blog haha. I started off posting everyday and now it’s like I got amnesia and forgetful is my middle name. Please forgive me 😬
Honestly, I’m not the type to party a lot, but sometimes I need to let loose. The stress from school and work gets me really frustrated sometimes, so dancing drunk with a bunch of people seems like a good way to release the stress. You just gotta do it sometimes. Anyways, it was a fun night. I met new people and they were all soo sweet. Wouldn’t mind clubbing with them again.