Everyone knows what a black hole is, or at least what it does. It swallows the light around it. But where does the light go? What is at the end up the hole? What is on the other side? In another sense, where does the happiness from ourselves go once something bad takes over? Once darkness hits us, where does our joy in life disappear to? Is there light at the end of the tunnel?
Let’s just say, if I were to tell you how much I trust you and how I believe you won’t ever hurt me, would that be a burden for you? How about if you told me those same things yourself? Would that be different? If you decide to make promises to continue talking to me and connecting with me, it should be your responsibility. I did not tell you to continue talking to me…you told me you would. You promised to not dump me (as a friend), but I guess people really love to go back on their words. What surprises me the most is how quick people go back on their words. Without even a 24 hour gap, people throw and all the commitment away.
As most may be able to tell from all my recent posts, I haven’t been happy for a while. I don’t think I am okay but I don’t want to accept it. Maybe it’s just a phase. I am sick of being…sick. I dont mean physically, but emotionally and mentally. I can’t even keep a solid friendship anymore and a part of me always feels like I did something wrong. Regardless of what people say, I always blame myself. If I can’t find happiness, maybe it’s because of me. Maybe I just can’t be happy anymore. Sure, I laugh and I’m pretty bubbly…but I’m not happy. I haven’t been in a long time. I can’t rely on people because they end up dumping me. I can’t rely on myself because I end up disappointing myself and others around me.
How much are you willing to sacrifice for a friend? How about how much are you willing to gain if you lose a friend in the process? It’s like once you get what you want, you leave them. Or if something else is offered, you book it. That’s unfair and selfish. Especially when that person does everything for you.
Ya girl finally taking a step forward and just starting to have fun with my life before I settle down with someone. I’m only 19, turning 20 in 2 months and I still got plenty of time until I find that person. In the meantime, I shouldn’t be so caught up with the last guy thinking he was definitely the one. Being paranoid all the time because of him isn’t gonna help me. But don’t get me wrong, I ain’t out here playing guys and hurting them. The only guy I’m currently rebounding off of is someone who I know “goes around” and he knows I know. It’s like a mutual understanding that we both out here just enjoying ourselves. I want to have fun at this age. I don’t want to be old and regret not having that stage of excitement and risks that everyone talks about having around this age.
I shouldn’t be upset. I have no right to. Clearly we are just friends, but I can’t help but feel upset whenever I think about you. It’s nothing I can control, but I will not stop you from doing anything you want to do. Again, it’s not my place. All I can do now is let my heart feel the way it does until it wants to stop feeling all together…
Someone who is hard on herself for no reason, but does nothing to fix her own problems. Instead, she uses her time to focus on the people she cares about. Because of the type of person she is, the people she cares about eventually takes advantage. She is someone who pours her heart out to anyone who shows remotely any bit of kindness towards her. When she loves, she loves hard. She is someone who is secretly very vulnerable, but doesn’t like to show it. For that sole reason, she doesn’t like to cry in public, but secretly does under the covers at night. She is someone who trusts people too easily because of how optimistic she is about others. Except, she thinks negatively when it involves her own life. She wants to do better, but most of the time she feels like she has no power to control her own life. She is someone who is secretly unhappy, but puts on a face to please others. Someone who isn’t sappy, but secretly enjoys it when anyone else shows it. She’s doesn’t like to think selfishly, but sometimes ends up doing it to protect herself. Due to the fact that she has been hurt so many times, she is trying to learn how to distance herself from toxic people. She is stubborn because she has trust issues. She is sassy because she doesn’t know how else to communicate. She is an extremely emotional person. She gets angry, sad, frustrated, happy, and bubbly very easily. However, even with all that, she is also understanding. She rarely holds grudges and forgives easily. Regardless of her emotional problems, she is grateful to those who were there and are still there for her throughout her struggles. She is someone who holds everything inside, as she also tries to hold everything together. But…she is very close to falling apart.