Why do I have a feeling that I’m falling blindly into a black hole again. This all feels too familiar and it’s getting me emotional. I don’t want to get hurt like that again. I don’t want to be played with. Once you starting chasing and I start giving in, y’all turn around and push me away. It’s a gut feeling I get and hopefully this one is just a false instinct.
I can’t really tell when people flirt with me, and that usually leads to a whole bunch of confusion. I throw around “omg you’re so cute” way too often that people sometimes take it differently than what I meant. However, sometimes I try to be a little more extra if I’m interested in your stupid ass. I will compliment you more than usual…but then again, you don’t know what my “usual” is. Anyways, I’m confused, but it’s okay. That’s all part of the fun am I right?
So my mom bought a Canada Goose jacket for herself and I reminded her that she promised she would buy me one one day. She replied with “we share, we share.” So I said okay. The next day I wore it and I have been wearing it since LOL. My little mishcevious brain never seems to disappoint.
Have been mia for the past week because I was away in Ottawa for Taekwondo Canadian Nationals 2018. I originally dreaded the week because I wasn’t competing and was basically forced to coach. However, I met so many awesome people that made it all worth. The stress I was put in that week was so intense, I broke down one morning and couldn’t control my tears. Thankfully the people around me created such amazing memories with me that I left the frustration behind. Two of the masters tried to set me up with this guy and although he was cute I admired him more for his Taekwondo abilities. I still keep in contact with the people I met, hopefully we get closer the next time I see them at competition. And hopefully by then, I am competing.
Seeing you intentionally doing things with someone to fuck with my emotions was not something I’d expect from you. Being petty and getting back at me for no reason isn’t something I’d thought you would ever do. While dancing with her, you kept on looking at me to make sure I was watching or something. You kept grabbing me and poking me to get my attention. Did you want it that bad? Even friends who didn’t know of you noticed how you were trying to grab my attention. Always in my peripherals while you were with her. We all noticed it. You have all the attention from her already. I don’t know what you want. I cried a lot that night because of you. Because of how petty you were.
How could you betray a friend like that? Take away something he has his eyes on just because you are lonely and wanted someone. Are you not a loyal enough person to appreciate your friend? How is someone going to ever trust you if you pull shit like that. Friendships are built from the exact things you violated, trust and loyalty. The worst part is, his personality is too good for your ass to betray. He still forgives you because he valurs friendship, unlike you. I’m surprised he can even put up with you.
I was supposed to play pool and darts with my friends after dinner today. I don’t know if it was because of my 2hr worth of sleep time last night or my tendency to have really bad food coma, but I was so fucking tired after dinner. I wanted to stay out but my eyes would not fucking open so I told my friend to just drive me home. The minute I got home I passed out. Keep in mind I passed out at like 9:30pm…I woke up at 4am… It was supposed to be a power nap. FUCK.