Late night talks are almost always honest. My cousin and I were up till 12am just talking about our lives; specifically about our past and present relationships. It pretty cool knowing how close we can get with each other, considering how I live on the other side of the world. We told each other secrets and maybe some intimate details we both are a bit hesitant to tell others about. It’s honestly so weird how my cousin is a guy too. You would think I would be super uncomfortable opening up to him, but I was pretty damn honest. For me, it takes a while to trust someone because I have been hurt and betrayed before. The process of learning how to learn to trust people again is still in the works. All in all, I’m glad we had our talk because once this vacation is over, he may not have time for another break because he’s starting to work in the medical field after graduation.
It is basically tradition for my family and I to go to Royal Spa in ZhongShan every time we come visit. We chose this weekend as our vacation within a vacation. This family-friendly resort provides multiple activities. From ping pong and pool to karaoke and movies. But the best thing about this place are the gigantic hot tubs and the wonderful massage services. Both a lovely treat after an intense two weeks of training. I’m currently eating at a buffet and planning to watch a movie right after. May I also add, the movie theatre chairs are not really chairs, but beds 😏.
I didn’t realize how addicting claw machines were until today. No shame, but I’m pretty sure I spent over 50 (RMB) dollars trying to get this stitch toy. As many may know, I have an obsession with disney. With Stitch, being one of my favourite characters, I had to get it. I already own two Stitch Plushies, a Stitch notebook, and a Stitch pen; nothing was stopping me. In the end, my younger brother helped me “claw it out,” and boy was I hyped. The stitch toy itself isn’t the most well made, but who could resist that little bow-tie. Another day well spent. No pun intended…
After only two weeks of training every weekday, my body has started to feel sore. Not only that, but my knee hasn’t been very stable either. I forgot to bring my brace today for training and that totally fucked up my knee. For as long as I can remember, my knee has always been a problem. It’s a type of pain that’s indescribable. My doctor has told me to take it easy, but I have yet to see a specialist. They will most likely tell me to discontinue my sport; and I will most likely not listen. My knee has been what’s holding me back all these years. I feel so limited every time, and I can’t do anything about it. Thinking about it makes me a bit worried because I know once I age, I will not be able to do a lot of the things I love. What frightens me the most is that I may not be able to continue Taekwondo, the one true passion I have. Hopefully this problem is fixable as technology and science advances every year. Been doing this since I was four and I’m not planning to stop anytime soon.
Time to get a bit personal. Exactly four months ago (I remember because it was my birthday, not because I’m insane), I met a guy. He didn’t seem like someone I’d usually go for, but he seemed nice enough to start a conversation with. After talking for a while, things slowly progressed from being just friends to…something else. Not exactly a relationship, but it was somewhat in the process. We agreed not to rush into things since the both of us just came out of a relationship. I honestly tried to convince myself not to fall too hard, but guess what? I totally did. I have no idea why or how; it just happened. I was nowhere near being “in love”, but let’s just say, I fell hard enough to shed a few tears. We stopped talking two months ago due to reasons I have no answers to. I guess things just slowly started to fall apart. Till this day, I am still confused about what happened between us. The last conversation we had together was exactly about this. But, our talk ended without a conclusion. He told me he wanted to work on himself, and I respect that, but I’m not so convinced that that was all there was. A part of me feels like he just lost the feelings he had for me. I honestly wonder if they were ever there in the first place. The last source of communication I had with him was through snapchat (it’s the generation okay?). I made the final move to stop because I didn’t feel comfortable pretending like everything was “chill.” It has been awhile so I don’t know if the emotions are from bumping into him recently, or if I’m just really lonely (lol, it’s probably that). Jesus, reading back, I honestly sound like those crazy females overreacting because of something so minor. I guess at the end of the day, it’s really not that big of a deal. If he reads this, and there may be a slight chance he will, he may or may not be really mad at me for writing this. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no hate or anger towards this guy. I will continue to care for and support him as a person; wishing him nothing but the best. Hopefully one day, one of us we will be able to start up a new conversation without the awkwardness. I have no balls for it at the moment haha.
Waking up with a migraine sucks, but what’s worse is not being able to go to training. Skipping training allowed me to sleep some more, which wasn’t so bad considering I probably got the migraine from sleep deprivation. Around noon, I woke up with a gift on my bed. A new uniform from the instructor of the dojo I was training at. This is the second uniform I’ve received from him. The first one was around 6-7 years ago. Unimaginable to most, but I actually grew quite a bit; that old uniform doesn’t fit anymore. I still remember him teaching me Keumgang, a black belt second dan poomsae, in which I was never taught at my main dojo back in Vancouver, Canada. I also competed here once many years ago with his coaching. I have many people to thank for guiding along this path, and he is, in no doubt, one of those people. Thank you for the gift, but more importantly, thank you for being such a supportive mentor.
I’ve decided to continue my training here in China to prep for a Taiwan competition next month. There is also a Hong Kong one but I’m over age so I’ll just be coaching and spectating. The training here has been decent. Learned some new techniques I have yet to master. Today’s training has been pretty intense. Tmi but my ass sweat was not discrete at all, and my uniform ain’t that thin either…I woke up this morning feeling a bit sick and was worried how I’d do during training. Luckily, the adrenaline kicked in and I felt fine. Another training day tomorrow and I low-key don’t want to go. But “no pain no gain,” am I right?