Worth Every Heartache

Every heartache I have experienced was painful in some degree. Whether it was from a relationship or friendship, I still felt something when they ended. Meeting someone new whom I truly care for makes all the heartache in the past so worth it. I know it does sound dark and twisted when put into words, but every heartache seems to lead up to the one person who won’t cause you pain and stress. Everything that has been carried behind you back and pulling you down for years feels well worth when you meet the right person.

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Going Behind My Back

If I am training with an instructor from Korea, I should be paying him like everyone else. I have told my master that I want to pay full price and yet today he told the instructor that I don’t have to pay. First of all, makes me look bad and second, he went behind my back to tell him I won’t be paying when I clearly said I wanted to. It is obvious that my master wants me to continue coaching for him instead of competing, so the way others see it ” a coach shouldn’t have to pay.” But I wanted to go as a competitor, and I made that clear to him.

When Life Feels Like It’s Falling

Sometimes I feel like everything around me is falling apart and I don’t have the power to stop it from happening. However, there are times where a bit of light pops up from nowhere and it gives me hope. It is thanks to the people around me who give me the strength to carry on in life. I owe them.

My Father, My Mountain

I swear it sounds better in chinese but he truly is my mountain. You could say he is strong but stubborn like the mountains, but that is not what I am implying. He is MY mountain because he stands behind me whether I am wrong and right. When I am feeling doubtful, he supports me with all his might. He is my strength when I need it. Someone who may have rough edges and rocky paths, but he uses his tough experiences to teach me. When I am in trouble, he will always be the first to back me up. My father, like a mountain, will stay strong and continue to be a provider to those around him. He won’t flee to escape the troubles and problems. As a mountain, that would not be an option. In a flight or fight situation, he has always taught me to fight. He sacrifices so much and yet never asks for anything back. We had a rough time in the past, involving misunderstandings, arguments, fights,etc. But as we have both grown over the years (because full grown adults grow everyday) we have learned to be more mature and more open minded. He is my father, my mountain.

Do I Deserve Any of This

Sometimes I look back and think to myself, “why did God surround me with such amazing people.” The family and friends I have around me bring happiness and love. Things I have yet to learn how to provide for myself. There’s so much fucked up shit I have done in my life and yet they choose to stick around. Nobody is strapped down and yet they choose to help me through such difficult obstacles in my life. Do I deserve such amazing people.

Despite the Long Distance

It’s crazy how close I feel to you and how much I relate to you from only seeing you through my computer screen. We connect so well together despite the distance between us. I can’t wait until I see you in August. At night, because of our 3 hour time zone difference, I am left alone since you are fast asleep. Sometimes we talk, but I feel bad that you have to stay up so much later than me. But sometimes, when you do sleep early…I miss you a lot.